I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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