I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
