Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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