wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Randomize
