you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
high people should be assigned attendants
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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