if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
