Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
