Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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