Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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