walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
