just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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