the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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