gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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