if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.