not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?