dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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