we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
