Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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