If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Whats that? My new stripper name?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely