How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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