we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood