At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
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Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick