Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
