i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?