why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
