i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
