I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
