think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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