Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
