is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
