the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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