Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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