My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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