Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
