So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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