stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
