Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize