that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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