capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
