a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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