I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
