well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
