Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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