I'm really into asian looking animals
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
