I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
