who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
