While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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