Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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