This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
