trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
