I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
