walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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