dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
