Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
