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• (650): View more from California

  I feel great

  (650): View more from California

  I just peed on a car

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"

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• (310): View more from California

  I'm so sick

  (323): View more from California

  I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.

  (310): View more from California

  That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Apparently love is stronger than SoCo

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive

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• (728): View more from

  and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.

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