what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt