Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
