DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.