dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
one might say we're banned from that church
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING