Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.

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  (413): I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets. http://tfl.nu/8b9j
  Replies (11) Good night (5255) Bad night (1143)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed

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  (402): her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed http://tfl.nu/3qmq
  Replies (5) Good night (5567) Bad night (534)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(

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  (850): I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :( http://tfl.nu/5wo6
  Replies (51) Good night (816) Bad night (3422)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

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  (972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l
  Replies (21) Good night (11499) Bad night (846)
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  (323): View more from California

  No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.

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  (323): No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested. http://tfl.nu/53oj
  Replies (6) Good night (4972) Bad night (739)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.

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  (435): i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down. http://tfl.nu/j1eb
  Replies (16) Good night (1178) Bad night (3267)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.

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  (515): Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack. http://tfl.nu/7j66
  Replies (2) Good night (1712) Bad night (610)
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  (714): View more from California

  we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz

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  (714): we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz http://tfl.nu/j793
  Replies (7) Good night (1650) Bad night (1310)
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  (916): View more from California

  whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door

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  (916): whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door http://tfl.nu/x1rj
  Replies (8) Good night (1082) Bad night (2014)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.

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  (914): I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned. http://tfl.nu/4ebq
  Replies (6) Good night (672) Bad night (1897)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.

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  (919): Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate. http://tfl.nu/d4gp
  Replies (10) Good night (745) Bad night (408)
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  (714): View more from California

  I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?

  (1-714): View more from California

  Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious

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  (714): I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife? (1-714): Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious http://tfl.nu/3lv6
  Replies (4) Good night (1139) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.

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  (401): Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired. http://tfl.nu/40ai
  Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (180)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....

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  (317): I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong.... http://tfl.nu/btjr
  Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (209)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"

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  (740): You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!" http://tfl.nu/ubz0
  Replies (2) Good night (201) Bad night (327)

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