the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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