Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(914): View more from New York

Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq

Replies (49) Good night (4322) Bad night (1715)
Favorite
(205): View more from Alabama

it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(205): it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!" http://tfl.nu/6ypb

Replies (14) Good night (2501) Bad night (803)
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again. http://tfl.nu/8soy

Replies (13) Good night (781) Bad night (3019)
Favorite
(262): View more from Wisconsin

I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

Worst stoner tragedy.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(262): I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo. (715): Worst stoner tragedy. http://tfl.nu/7uyr

Replies (41) Good night (1989) Bad night (6482)
Favorite
(651): View more from Minnesota

It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(651): It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes. http://tfl.nu/19vc

Replies (24) Good night (1271) Bad night (4584)
Favorite
(805): View more from California

WHY are the edges of my bra charred???

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): WHY are the edges of my bra charred??? http://tfl.nu/czt9

Replies (12) Good night (3451) Bad night (1183)
Favorite
(970): View more from Colorado

I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(970): I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons http://tfl.nu/vc4y

Replies (10) Good night (1363) Bad night (2313)
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us http://tfl.nu/pmf4

Replies (8) Good night (3907) Bad night (729)
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I want to take my head off and cuddle with it

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): I want to take my head off and cuddle with it (832): Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole http://tfl.nu/jldl

Replies (7) Good night (1222) Bad night (687)
Favorite
(708): View more from Illinois

If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(708): If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later http://tfl.nu/o4md

Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (948)
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together. http://tfl.nu/4ceo

Replies (6) Good night (1548) Bad night (569)
Favorite
(210): View more from Texas

Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(210): Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often. http://tfl.nu/cowe

Replies (14) Good night (1015) Bad night (477)
Favorite
(951): View more from California

Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(951): Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick http://tfl.nu/e46p

Replies (6) Good night (411) Bad night (1092)
Favorite
(706): View more from Georgia

Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(706): Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting http://tfl.nu/0ok9

Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (488)
Favorite
(540): View more from Virginia

I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(540): I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being. http://tfl.nu/xpnl

Replies (1) Good night (354) Bad night (667)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard