my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
