The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
