me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
