It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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