my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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