i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
