I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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