So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
