Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
