I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
