i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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