you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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