I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
