since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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