have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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