i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
