So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
